My Neurodivergent Home

Today I am 10 weeks postpartum, and it’s the first time I have cared for my daughter alone.

I have had a tough recovery after an emergency C-section, along with some follow-up complications.

I am finding it hard. I’m still in pain, and moving around isn’t easy right now. I have been relying heavily on my husband to care for the baby, which in itself has been difficult for me. I hate not being able to do everything for her, it makes me feel like I’m a bad mum.

Everyone tells me that needing help after major surgery is normal, but I can’t help feeling like my pre-existing struggles as a neurodivergent person are making everything harder.

I don’t feel like a “normal” post C-section mum. Part of that is because of the complications that have delayed my recovery, but part of it feels deeper than that. I have less energy than everyone else. Everything feels like a huge task, and my emotions seem to weigh on me more.

I can’t just feel sad, I spiral. I start to feel absolutely terrible until I can’t do anything at all. At times, I feel completely debilitated by my emotions. And when I can’t lift my baby to stop her crying, or manage something as simple as making a bottle or changing a nappy, it starts to feel like I’m not even a mum at all.

I made her. I know I did a great job growing her, but I know that isn’t what makes you a mum. When I lost control of my labour and everything spiralled into this, it really makes me feel like I’m not good enough.

When I was pregnant, I tried to find resources about being a neurodivergent mum and how others coped, but I found very little. It made me start to wonder if the lack of resources meant that people like me didn’t become parents, and I began to question whether I would be a good mum.

I have wanted to be a mum my whole life. It has always been my main aspiration. I look forward to working through the difficulties of being a neurodivergent mum, and creating a life for my daughter (and any future children) that is full of the kind of magic and whimsy that can come with the way my brain works.

If you’re a neurodivergent mum feeling like this too, you’re not alone.